Why a Sales Meeting is Exactly Like a Kid’s Party – Part 5


I had to sell the party to the birthday parent to get the gig, but I am full sales mode from when I arrive at a kids party to when I leave. I shall explain why.

I have been examining the ABC of sales proposed by Daniel Pink in his book “To Sell is Human” (#ad). They are:

  • Attunement
  • Buoyancy
  • Clarity

This post deals with the third point, clarity.

Always Selling

During the party, I am selling to the birthday parent (to avoid buyer’s remorse), to the birthday child, to the guests and to the other parents. I need to establish clarity about me and my offering. 

In his excellent chapter on clarity, Pink suggests that sales people need to:

  • Identify the real problems that need solving
  • Contrast their solution with the alternative
  • Deliver a positive experience

What’s Your Problem?

Let’s take a six-year old birthday. The birthday parent(s) are expected to provide a party for the whole class but, on the whole, they have no idea how to control and entertain them. So they think they need a magic show.

However, their actual problem is that they are feeling stressed about the party and they want to deliver something special for their child. In addition, it would be good if it was a positive experience for everyone. Good magic would be a bonus.

Re-framing the problem like this suddenly means that the actual tricks performed are far less important than the degree to which the entertainer reduces stress levels. I identified this many years ago and it made a big difference to the way I sold and conducted my parties. They are now famously calm. Even though there are short periods of deafening noise, there are also periods of pin-drop silence. Everything is under control the whole time and everyone has a great time.

The parents look visibly relieved at the end. I have solved a problem that they didn’t even identify at the outset, but it was the actual problem that needed to be solved.

As sales people it is important to ask questions to establish clarity: what is the actual problem that needs solving? It may well not be the problem initially presented. Take time and trouble to do this and your prospect will feel understood and appreciated and will trust you more.

Compare and Contrast

You can establish clarity about your proposition’s value by contrasting it with the alternative.

I offer different packages for children’s parties. For some I take control of the whole party and there are two hours of order and enjoyment. However, I also offer a show-only option where I just do 45 minutes and the parents look after the rest. 

In these instances, before and/ or after my slot I am not in control, I am just setting up or packing down. The children will normally be running slightly wild, maybe with an un-trained parent trying to be an amateur entertainer and organise some games. 

This is great for me. As soon as I take over I instil order where there was chaos. I bring focus on wonder where there was only distraction. It makes me look amazing in the eyes of the booker and the other parents.

As a sales person you can throw the value of your proposition into sharp relief by contrasting it with the alternative.

“They’ll never forget how you made them feel”

Paraphrasing Carl W. Buehner, both in the context of magic performance and public speaking:

“They may forget what you say,
They may forget what you do,
But they will never forget how you made them feel”

People remember experiences far longer than material things. It make sense to deliver positive, memorable experiences and feelings wherever possible.

My aim at a kids party is to provide calm, wonder and enjoyment for the watching parents, rather than noise, stress and annoyance.

My final trick is with the birthday child. It involves little red balls that multiply in the child’s own hand. It’s not the most difficult trick to do, it’s not the most impressive in a magic performance sense. But in terms of emotional punch it is way up there. When I ask the child for their favourite bit of the party, it is almost always when they made the balls appear in their hand.

Whatever you are selling, remember to focus on how your solution will change someone’s experience and feelings.

And try to make the actual sales meeting a feel-good experience too.

Why a Sales Meeting is Exactly Like a Kid’s Party – Part 4 

Buoyancy (Visual) Aid

One of the opening routines for my kids party show has long been a mime illusion with a balloon. First the balloon appears to be stuck in space and then it starts to rise forcibly, threatening to lift me off the ground. Not only is it one of my favourite routines, it is also a great visual reminder of buoyancy.

Buoyancy is the ability to float. Something will float when the forces pulling it down are equal to the forces pushing it up. A helium balloon with a weighted string. A boat.

Floating Your Boat

Buoyancy is an essential quality for both sales people and children’s entertainers. 
In his excellent book “To Sell is Human,” (#ad) Daniel Pink identifies how we can be buoyant.

We need to manage:

  • Our self-talk beforehand
  • Our emotional mix during
  • Our self talk afterwards

We could be talking about a day of sales calls or a kids party. They are very similar.


Standing looking at a hall full of marauding, shouting six year olds can be quite intimidating. Just as lining up a day of sales calls can be intimidating. 

Several years ago I started giving myself a talking to in such situations. I asked myself, “Who is the best qualified and most able to deal with this situation in this room?” It was me, of course. The party always went well after that.

Pink encourages us to interrogative self-talk before we start. When we feel intimated, worried about facing an “ocean of rejection” we should be like Bob the Builder and ask ourselves, “Can we fix it?” He cites research that shows that framing it as a question is much more effective than framing it as a statement, eg, “Can I do this?” Rather than, “I can do this!”

Can you fix it? Yes, you almost certainly can.


Pink also delves into research that uncovers the ideal mix of emotional experiences to keep us buoyant.

If everything is positive then we become detached from reality. If everything is negative then we become disillusioned or worse. Surprisingly, a 50:50 mix of positive to negative emotions is not the ideal, the ratio to aim for is 3:1.

This rings true with performing. When constructing a routine I will use mostly use tried and tested material that I know will land successfully. I will also add in some less-tested material to see how it goes. It doesn’t always work, but that doesn’t matter because I know I will be back to a sure-fire winner very soon. I know that stand-up comedians use the same approach for introducing new material.

As a sales person you can do the same thing when planning your calls. If you have a call that you know might be difficult, mix it in with some calls and other activities that will be easy and encouraging. 

Pink quotes Barbara Fredrickson, a leading researcher on positivity: 

“Levity is that unseen force that lifts you skyward, whereas gravity is the opposing force that pulls you earthwards. Unchecked levity leaves you flighty, ungrounded and unreal. Unchecked gravity leaves you collapsed in a heap of misery. Yet when properly combined, these two opposing forces leave you buoyant.”


If we have a rough experience, be it a sales call full of rejection, or a kids party that doesn’t work, the way we talk to ourselves afterwards is critical if we are to remain buoyant.

Ask yourself, was the rejection

  • Persistent? Will it be like that the next time or was it just temporary?
  • Pervasive? Does this apply generally or was it specific to that situation?
  • Personal? Was it because of me or because someone or something else external to me?

Almost always, the answer to all three questions will be “no”. The bad experience was down to factors that were temporary, specific and external. This allows you to learn any useful lessons from the experience and then move on to the next thing.

In researching his book, Pink spent time with Norman Hall, a salesman for the Fuller Brush Company. When considering self-talk, he quotes Hall who says:

“I’m a damn good salesman. You have to keep going. That’s it.”

Here’s to floating like a balloon…

Why a Sales Meeting is Exactly Like a Kid’s Party – Part 3

When you arrive at a kids party you immediately have to sell your credibility to the parent who booked you, the birthday child and sometimes the venue manager or caretaker. You have to give them confidence in you within seconds of your arrival. 
Very often you also have to sell yourself to the older siblings. Do a couple of mind-blowing close-up magic tricks for them at the outset and they will watch your whole show with rapt attention. If you don’t, they will sit at the back, look bored and cause trouble.

Think Pink

Daniel Pink, in the excellent “To Sell is Human”, says that sales people need the ABC:

  • Attunement
  • Buoyancy
  • Clarity

I will deal with attunement in this post and buoyancy and clarity in subsequent posts.

Know, like and trust

It’s a well-known phrase. If someone is to buy from you then they need to know, like and trust you. 

How do you make that happen?

It’s all about attunement.

Attune in Your Head

Essentially, attuning to your prospect or client, be you a sales person or an entertainer, has three elements:

  • Assume the right attitude
  • Work out their perspective
  • Strategically mimic them


When you arrive you need to be humble. Don’t assume that you know what or who your client is. Obviously you will have pre-suppositions, but you may well be wrong. Be ready to change you mind. Have an open mind and be ready to listen, observe and learn. 

When I arrive at a party I am immediately thinking: “What are the relationships and dynamics here? Is there any underlying tension? Have they run kids’ parties before or is this their first time?”


Pink cites scientific studies that perspective taking is more effective than empathy when it comes to selling. Knowing how someone is feeling will get you some of the way, but it is much more effective to work out how they are thinking and what is driving them. What are their incentives? Their concerns? Try and put yourself in their shoes and see things from their point of view. What are their presenting problems?

Whatever you do, you want to make yourself a welcome addition to their experience at that moment. Obviously you are a new and different element to their life, but you don’t want to be so different that you make them nervous. Somehow you need to fit in with their “normal”, whatever that may be. To do that, you need to try to understand how they are thinking.


You may well have read or heard about “Postural Echo”, the way that we mirror the gestures of others when we are agreeing with them.

Pink suggests that we can enhance our rapport with clients or prospects if we use “strategic mimicry”. It has to be subtle and not noticeable, otherwise it is creepy! 

Instinctively, I find myself at parties slightly changing the way I speak to match my client. Maybe a bit posher or a bit more down-to-earth. I find common points of reference, places we have lived, visited or worked, common interests wherever possible. I am searching for ways for me to link in with their “normal” so that I feel like a natural and welcome addition to their lives rather than a strange abnormality that makes them nervous.

Adapt to your surroundings like a chameleon. Pink quotes Galinsky and Maddux, who say, “Chameleons bake bigger pies and take bigger pieces.” 

Think chameleon!

Ambiversion Conversion

Pink introduces the wonderful phrase “ambivert”. We have all heard of extroverts and introverts. The data shows that the most effective sales people are those that are at neither extreme. Those in the middle (most people) are ambivert – they listen and observe carefully to get a true picture of the situation and then they can be confident and assertive when needed.

Rhyme Time

Remember, if you want your sales to be greater, be an attuner sooner than later.